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This article is an excerpt and edit of the content from the "When You Feel Anxious About School or Nursery Life: Parental Mindset and Response" lecture and consultation held in 2018.
Available in English and Chinese versions
Be Cautious of These Changes in Your Health!
Statements like "I don't want to go" or "When do we get a break?" indicate a time when someone is still managing to go, even if they are expressing reluctance directly or indirectly.
When a child can no longer express their reluctance verbally and their body starts to show signs of distress, it becomes important for parents to acknowledge these physical symptoms properly.
First, stress can worsen chronic conditions.
Conditions such as asthma, atopic dermatitis, and chronic kidney disease can worsen. Despite receiving medical care, these conditions may not improve and can actually deteriorate.
Then, catch a cold.
Once you catch a cold, it can be hard to shake off.
It can sometimes drag on for about three to six months without any issue.
In addition to a cold, there is a cough.
Even after recovering from a cold, the cough persists, and Mr. Chik's cough continues.
When Chik's cough persists, it's common for those around to assume it's a cold.
Additionally, it can lead to a higher risk of injury. This is something to be cautious about.
Whether at school or at home, children often carry many worries and concerns, feeling disconnected from their surroundings. As a result, their instinctive reactions to pay attention to what's happening around them may be slightly delayed.
So, when we engage in group activities at school, things like falling down the stairs or sinking in the pool can happen.
People sometimes fall and get injured from stairs, but upon closer inspection, it turns out they were pushed.
If you force yourself to go to school while being bullied, it becomes more likely for such things to happen.
This also increases the likelihood of being involved in traffic accidents.
When you misinterpret signals or feel like you don't want to go, or think things like 'I don't want to,' 'I hate this,' or 'I want to die,' it creates a psychological state that can lead to accidents.
Since the accidents occur at traffic signals, they may not result in fatal injuries from being thrown up onto the hood or being slightly knocked away. However, there is a higher risk of traffic accidents during school commutes.
Next, the physical symptoms that were mentioned earlier.
Common complaints from children who frequently visit the pediatrician include abdominal pain, headaches, and fever, which are often related to orthostatic disorders.
Then, due to issues like urinary incontinence, diarrhea, and severe constipation, I took a break and visited the hospital. However, after the tests, I was told that nothing was wrong, so I was encouraged to go back to school, which led to sporadic attendance. During such times, it's common to experience physical symptoms.
Other physical discomforts include foot pain, inability to walk, and loss of speech.
There is a phenomenon known as situational mutism, where a person becomes unable to speak or vocalize in specific settings.
Then, alopecia areata appears.
It's a similar mechanism to ticks, where one can unconsciously pull out their own hair, leading to hair loss.
One of these things will happen.
I believe there are many children who continue to attend kindergarten, daycare, elementary school, and middle school even when they are in this kind of situation, without having to take a break from school.
So, at that moment, parents should pause and consider, "This new behavior might indicate that my child is carrying something in their heart."
If a child is facing difficulties in life, responding with care for the child's situation rather than strict discipline can make a difference. When a mother expresses understanding by saying, "It's okay to take a break, you can stay home, you are the most important thing to me. You matter more than school," the child feels a sense of relief and thinks, "Please don't see me as weak for saying I'm being bullied," and becomes more willing to open up.
Children want to be seen as good by their mothers.
That's why you get bullied by friends and left out by your peers,
I don't want to be seen as a pathetic child.
I want parents to think of their child as someone who is liked by everyone and gets along well with friends.
That's why there are really no kids who tell their parents, 'I'm being bullied.'
Recently, a book titled "Don't Let Children Die from Bullying" was written by Yukiko Kishida, a news anchor for Nippon Television. In it, she mentions that when a child says they are being bullied, it is the final red line. Therefore, during such times, she emphasizes the importance of ensuring that children are safely evacuated to a secure place, and I completely agree with that.
And then, I'm receiving strict guidance from my teacher. I won't mention this either.
I want my parents to think that I am recognized as a good student by my teachers and that I am having a smooth school life.
To be a good child for mom and dad, I often don't mention the difficult situations I face.
This is why, when children face extreme hardship, some may resort to taking their own lives without seeking help.
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Counselor:
Ryouko Uchida
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'