[Parenting Mystery Q&A Collection] Not Trying to Challenge What You Can't Do (5 Years Old)

*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.

*Available in English and Chinese versions

 

Q. Not trying to challenge what you can't do (5 years old)

 

When playing games with friends or on the horizontal bar, if I feel like I can't do it or I'm going to lose,I get in a bad mood

You will enter a mode where you don't want to do anything. The motivation to try hard or take on challenges will fade away.

It seems like they are not coming outand I'm worried. How can I encourage them to do their best?

 

A.

It means having self-esteem and a strong sense of pride.

This is one of the positive aspects that this child possesses.

 

Actually, children like this tend to transform as they grow up.

When they are young, it may not seem like it, but as they grow, certain things become essential, and they really put in the effort.

 

Children learn to do what they couldn't do before and come to understand what they didn't understand.

I won't do it until I’m sure it's okay for that child, but I will do it when I feel it's safe.

There is a time for everything.

 

However, when my mother suggests something during a time when I feel stuck and unable to make a decision on my own, it makes me really anxious.

So you're saying, 'This time I'm just observing and not participating. Watching others do it helps me understand the tricks of the trade.'

Offer support by saying things like that. Please provide support in this way.

 

When you can't do a backflip on the horizontal bar, it's okay to say, "I understand, it's scary and you don't feel like it."

ProperlyRespect the feeling of not wanting to do it right now.

It's not just about keeping quiet; hearing it spoken out loud brings a great sense of reassurance.

 

So let's see what everyone is doing, like, 'That kid is really good at swinging around' or 'Their grip on the horizontal bar is different.'

Please tell me what your mother noticed.

By watching together with your mother, you are actually being coached.

 

"It's embarrassing to do it where everyone can see, so how about we try it with Mom next time when no one is watching?"

Please don't deny that you're watching while skillfully offering help by saying things like that.

Watching sports is exciting, isn't it?

Watching is just like participating in sports.

So when I say, 'I'm watching,' it would be nice to hear something like, 'Yeah, watching is fun too.'

Children are so different, aren't they?

 

In the consultation, I said, "My child always sucks their fingers and watches what everyone is doing at daycare and preschool."

I often hear that story.

 

I do it when I get home, but when I'm with everyone, I just watch and don't do anything.

But on the way home, they say, "Today was fun, wasn't it?"

Experiencing enjoyment through observation is also a very important experience.

 

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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)

 

Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'