[Parenting Mystery Q&A Collection] How to communicate when they continue to do things you say are "no"? (18 months)

*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.

*Available in English and Chinese versions

Q. Continuing to do something even when told "no" (18 months)

I always pay attention because it gets on the table, but I do it every day.

I say, 'It's not okay to get on the table,' and I take them down, but it feels like a game and I end up enjoying it.

I'm struggling with how to address a situation where it keeps happening repeatedly.

A.

Climbing onto the desk playfully, and when taken down, they happily climb back up. As you said, this is just play.

When you behave like a good child as you were told not to, you get ignored.

But when you do something you're not supposed to, your mom will definitely take it seriously.

So, when children get bored, they start doing things they shouldn't do one after another.

In short, this is about "engaging with me" and "having fun," isn't it?

In such cases, do you turn it into a game by getting on the desk and having someone take you down?

Or you could play with other toys, read picture books, or do some drawing.

I think it's a good idea to switch to a different activity.

During meals, when I get full, I play by dropping my spoon and having someone pick it up for me.

I want to play with my mom.

If I said, "You shouldn't climb on the desk" when someone tried to put their feet on it, they stopped.If that ever happened,

"It's great that you understood what Mom said and didn't do it.".

Children find it more enjoyable to be praised and engaged with rather than being scolded,

We will change the activity to one where you can receive praise without climbing by saying, 'Look, look!'

In short, we are seeking play.

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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)

Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'