日本語
English
नेपाली
*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. How to get them to listen? (3 years and 8 months old twins)
They are 3 years and 8 months old twin boys and girls. They have become quite capable of communicating their thoughts with words.
I've been able to tell myself it's one-on-one, but when there are two people at the same time...
There are often times when the excitement is so high that my words don't get through.
How can I get them to listen to me?
A.
When it's just one person, conversation can happen, but when there are two, the power and growth are the same, so it doesn't just double; it actually increases exponentially.
So, I think it's quite difficult to calm down a child who is excited and hyper.
In such situations, responding quickly is crucial, just like putting out a fire in its early stages.
Speak up early, while it's still just a smoldering issue.
It's like putting a bridle on a horse; as soon as you think it's getting a bit dangerous, you immediately pour water on it,
Surprisingly, it escalates to about one-third to half.
For example, when entering a store, there are often children who throw tantrums, wondering what they should buy today.
In such cases, before leaving home
"I'm going grocery shopping today, but my mom is just buying vegetables and a few other things."
I won't be buying any toys or snacks, just so you know.
When you say that at first, the child learns about giving up.
Before heading out, make sure to hang one hook, and before entering the store,
"Today we're only buying this and this, so please help me out, okay? No toys or snacks today," she says.
Once I say 'I understand,' I will enter the store and quickly purchase only the items I need.
As I leisurely browse, wondering whether to buy this or that, my child mimics me and wanders around.
I met a 3-year-old child at the health center who loved toy cars.
Dad is so adorable because he was born after the New Year.
Whenever I go with my dad, he always buys me a miniature car, and we have 50 miniature cars at home.
I always beg for a toy car when going out.
So before heading out, say, "We won't be buying any toy cars today," even before entering the store.
I can now resist and say, 'I'm not buying today.'
It seems that there was a day when I thought I could handle it after several days had passed, so I went out without saying anything.
Then, the child said, "So I can buy a toy car today, right?"
Children are smart enough to understand, learn, and even apply concepts like this, so it's important to communicate clearly every time.
If you complain inside the store, your mom will say, 'Then I'm leaving without buying anything,' and she will follow through with it.
By doing this two or three times, children will understand the situation and learn to accept it.
Children are very intelligent, so don't underestimate them; engage with them as individuals with judgment and understanding.
It might become fun again.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'